The stress of the past few months finally hit me yesterday. While I realize that I am blessed in so many different ways, even more ways than I recognize, blessings don't come without challenges. I know that my challenges have been difficult for me, but they are nothing compared to the challenges my own close friends are facing. That being said, I finally had enough of being tough and putting on a happy face.
And, before you start psycho-analyzing me, hear me out. Often, I find myself avoiding the honest answer of how I'm really doing because I don't want to acknowledge it myself. Acknowledging all the things that are bothering me becomes a downward spiral into a pit of pity. That's right people, I end up throwing myself an elaborate pity party chock full of carbs and fat. I invite my good friends, pasta and cheese. Then, there's always the after-party with Ben, Jerry, (Little) Debbie and Oreo. It's a good thing I'm not a drinker, just sayin' (I'm a stress eater and looking at my life and accepting that things aren't "fine" can be a real stress inducer.) Of course, the guilt that follows these blowout bashes is enough to generate a rebound party (and yes, that has happened too).
To avoid too much partying (and too many calories), I just sat myself down and had a nice, cleansing cry. No, I wasn't a blubbering mess. I think I just needed an outlet and somewhere quiet to let it all out. Somewhere quiet = bathroom stall at my office. Don't laugh. I'm new at this mom of 3 thing and haven't yet mastered the art of finding a quiet place in my house. Luckily, there are bathrooms in our office that are rarely used. It isn't glamorous, but it works. But, if I need a good cry again, I'll bring my own tissues. Cheap office toilet paper can be rough on the nose :-)