I know how powerful prayer can be. I also know that God does everything in His own time. I guess I'm just struggling to fit my time into His time.
Mike has been sick since Christmas. Literally, the day after Christmas. He hasn't gone an entire day since then without experiencing severe stomach or intestinal problems. (Out of respect for his privacy...let's just leave it at that.) It's been really hard to watch him. No, he hasn't wasted away or withered to nothing. But, his spirit has obviously taken a beating. It is really tough to know that I can't do anything to fix his pain or discomfort. I'm a people pleaser and a fixer. I know this hasn't been about me, but wow...it sure is humbling when you realize that you can't do a darn thing and you just have to sit and wait (and pray).
All of this has really helped me to realize that prayer alone can be comforting. Notice I didn't say answered prayers. Just knowing that I am able to come to God and be honest. I can tell Him exactly how I'm feeling (not that he doesn't already know). But, I've found great comfort in realizing that the ability to pray can be just as healing as answered prayers.
I've also become more aware of God's answers to our prayers...even when they don't seem to match up with what we asked for. Case in point - I prayed for months that God would allow Abby to attend a magnet school in Wake County. I actually shed a few tears when she was denied, even though I had already prepared myself for the rejection. I was so disappointed because I saw that as a wonderful opportunity for Abby to grow. Now, months later, I realize that God was answering my prayer...but I was being to specific in my request. I asked for magnet school so she could grow. He delivered a traditional school with active parent involvement, near my office and my parents' home, with childcare offering Christian values. He knew what He was doing. I didn't. Now, I have a much better understanding.
For now, I choose to believe that God's plan for Mike and our family is a great one. Who knows...maybe the doctors haven't discovered a treatment because only God can provide it. Maybe all of this is to add to our testimony as Christians.
I have set the LORD continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.